Setting boundaries and sticking to them

The ability to set boundaries is an art form that many take years to master; that's if they ever do. Sticking to those boundaries and not allowing anyone to disrespect them is a whole other skill that is far scarier than initially setting the boundary.

1. Learn to say "no"

"No is a full sentence" - The Olsen Twins

The art of saying no is perfected in gaining comfortability with confrontation. Not everyone is going to like the word "no", but they should respect it. You should never feel guilty for being decisive in what you want. You are not made up of endless energy.

2. Ask yourself how you WANT to be treated

Taking the time to fully get to know yourself is a key step in setting boundaries. Allowing time for self-reflection will give you space to ask yourself what in your life needs adjustment and what you are at peace with. With this, you can think back to ways you were treated that made you feel positively and ways that made you feel negatively. From there, you can determine how you would like to always be treated by others in order to instill those boundaries in those around you.

(Example) If, in the past, someone interrupted you a lot and it made you feel unheard. You will recognize this and start expressing to those around you how you feel disrespected and unheard when people interrupt you. Those who truly care about you, will make their best efforts to make you feel heard. They may slip up from time-to-time, but their efforts are there. Those who don't truly care about you will continue to interrupt you.

3. Recognize red flags

Our favorite things to ignore, red flags. It's admirable to want to see the best in everyone but at some point, you do have to recognize when the negatives are outweighing the positives. You should never allow people to remain close to you if they disrupt your morals or if their words or actions bring harm to themselves or others. Being able to recognize toxic behaviors such as gaslighting, manipulation, extreme pessimism, controlling, etc., is important in order to determine which behaviors are imposing on your boundaries. And from what I've seen, these types of toxic behaviors are used most in order to cross those boundaries. Once recognized, you'll be left with the decision of addressing it, allowing it to continue, or walking away.

4. If someone disrespects your boundary, don't let it slide

If someone disrespects your boundary after you have discussed its importance to you, then they don't fully respect you. You can't force someone to listen to you, but you are in control of how you allow others to treat you. If their actions go against your boundaries, you may be forced to make the difficult decision of removing them from your life in order to protect your own peace. If someone is costing you your peace, that is too high of a price to pay.

5. Recognize that your boundaries are always under construction

You are allowed to change your mind. As you learn and grow through life, your opinions may change, and that's okay. Your boundaries will grow with you as long as you keep reinforcing them.

6. Communication is THE BIGGEST aspect of boundary-setting

One thing I have observed as a major cause of conflict is miscommunication or lack of communication entirely. Being able to communicate your personal boundaries upon initially meeting someone makes it easier for them to associate that with your norm. However, openly communicating with everyone in your life shows that you are confident in yourself and know what you want. It makes it harder for them to oppose your boundaries without it reflecting poorly on them.

Overall, boundaries are a way for us to coexist peacefully with those around us, so long as those boundaries are respected and protected.